Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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