Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are these your boobs on my camera?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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