sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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