Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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