I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
