I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
