so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
