if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Randomize
