when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
