I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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