its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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