..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
