Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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