You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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