i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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