Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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