did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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