i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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