seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
