My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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