Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
