The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
