if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
