bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
