Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
