even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
