marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
