My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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