i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
