i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
