I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
