Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
