i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize