even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
