Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
