I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
time to smoke my breakfast
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
