Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
