The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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