is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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