We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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