I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
