so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
