I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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