at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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