i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize