So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize