She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
