Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
