In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
