Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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