Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize