Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
