I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
