you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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