she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
