4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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