shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
