this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did we literally take a cab across the street
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
