If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
