I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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