hotel room ftw
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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