guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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