WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
