I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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