The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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