Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
