I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
