Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
